For the playgroup session, we all met in the same room as the intake session and there were three other mothers and their sons present. My first thoughts after meeting them was that they seemed like such great and positive parents. I felt like I probably wasn't doing as well as they were in the parenting department.
Joey played very well with the other boys though and I felt proud of him.
They boys were instructed to work a maze together as a team and they had decide among themselves who would go first, who would go second, third, and last. The last person to make a line on the maze and finish it would be the winner and would get to choose which toy to play with first. After hearing those instructions, I got very nervous. I thought a genuine "Joey coniption" was inevitable. I figured they would be getting some very useful footage today! To my surprise, Joey was quite nice and polite with the other boys. They didn't argue too much with him though, so I'm sure that had a lot to do with it. I was RELIEVED that Joey won the maze game. I knew I'd have a huge battle and embarrassing moment if Joey lost. I was lost for words, however, when Joey tried to say that he himself did not win, but instead "everybody won". He was trying hard not to brag or be a bad winner. I had never seen that side of him. I was so happy I wanted to cry.
The rest of the session was pretty uneventful. I really was expecting much more drama, but the boys were very friendly and accepting of each other and Joey just fit right in. I couldn't help but wonder if this was supposed to happen this way. It seemed like it didn't really accomplish much but I know that the research team knows what they are doing. I'm looking forward to seeing how all of this plays out. I'm sure that I will be happy with the end results!
At the end of the session, a researcher took Joey to another area and asked him how the playgroup went and some other questions. I don't know exactly what they were. I would love to know what Joey said! I'm sure it was entertaining.
After that, they took me and Joey to another room alone and told me to talk to Joey about the session for 4 minutes, ask him if he liked the other boys, and tell him some things to improve on. Those 4 minutes felt like 10 minutes. I asked him some questions but he didn't seem to want to talk much. He acted silly and just didn't seem interested in what I had to say. I believe it was videotaped... I wonder if I will be used as a "good parent" example or a "bad parent"! haha
Mar 2, 2008
Feb 3, 2008
Intake Session - 2/3/08
It was superbowl Sunday I remember... because Jonathan was slightly aggravated that I planned this at a time where he would miss half of it. I really didn't think about that at the time but it ended up not being anything great that we missed.
We were 10 minutes late to the intake session because we couldn't understand our directions that I printed from mapquest. UVA gave me directions but I thought I would be able to follow the mapquest ones better. Guess I was wrong. I felt so bad being late!
When we walked into the room that we would be in, I immediately recognized Amori Mikami from her picture on the internet articles. I almost felt like I had met a celebrity for a moment.
Joey sat at a big table with a couple of young adults who asked him lots of questions. They performed an IQ test. I can't wait to see what the results were! They asked Joey all about his friends and everyday life (I think). I know that Joey loved all the attention and the many opportunities to talk.
Jonathan and I went into a smaller room and filled out lots of questionnaires and talked to a researcher about our own assessments of Joey's behaviors. It was kind of nice to talk to other people who understood what we were talking about and for once I didn't feel like someone was thinking I was just not parenting good enough.
I was really looking forward to the next steps of the study...
We were 10 minutes late to the intake session because we couldn't understand our directions that I printed from mapquest. UVA gave me directions but I thought I would be able to follow the mapquest ones better. Guess I was wrong. I felt so bad being late!
When we walked into the room that we would be in, I immediately recognized Amori Mikami from her picture on the internet articles. I almost felt like I had met a celebrity for a moment.
Joey sat at a big table with a couple of young adults who asked him lots of questions. They performed an IQ test. I can't wait to see what the results were! They asked Joey all about his friends and everyday life (I think). I know that Joey loved all the attention and the many opportunities to talk.
Jonathan and I went into a smaller room and filled out lots of questionnaires and talked to a researcher about our own assessments of Joey's behaviors. It was kind of nice to talk to other people who understood what we were talking about and for once I didn't feel like someone was thinking I was just not parenting good enough.
I was really looking forward to the next steps of the study...
Feb 1, 2008
I think I'll write it down
I thought that it would be a good idea to keep something like a journal of what I learn and discover during this Friendship Clinic for Joey. So here we go...
Jun 26, 2007
My first email asking to participate in the study
This is the email I sent to Professor Amori Mikami the day I found out about the Friendship Clinic.
Tue, 26 Jun 2007 16:28:17 -0700 (PDT)
Dear Professor Mikami,
I found several articles on the internet that talked about your research on ADHD children and how difficult it is for them to make friendships. The Friendship Clinic sounds wonderful and EXACTLY what ADHD children need. I wanted to see if you would possibly have room in your research/study for my son and his parents (my husband and I). Or if you have completed your study, then would you have any helpful information or programs you could direct us to? I happened upon your articles by searching the internet for some kind of help in this area. My 7 year old son has ADHD and right now his number one problem is friendships. About two hours ago, I picked him up from summer day camp and he greeted me in tears again (a common event). Apparently, he spends his entire day having emotional meltdowns over the most trivial things, such as losing a game, not getting to be first, etc. These emotional breakdowns happen every single day. My son cried all the way home despite anything I had to say and he was clearly heartbroken that he can't get along with other kids. I know exactly how he feels since I was much like him at that age (I also have ADHD).
My husband and I have tried all we know to help our son. We discipline, encourage when he does positive things, role-play situations to help him learn how to act, etc. Apparently this situation needs an expert such as yourself. I have searched my city for resources and asked for help from the school guidance counselor but I continue to get responses such as, "he'll grow out of it", "stop letting him have his way" (which we already do), and of course there's the medication. We use medication (Adderall XR - 5mg) but this does not solve our son's social and friendship issues. The medication helps him get straight A's in class. However, I would trade those A's for F's if he could not grow up feeling rejected as I did.
I'm sorry this is so long. Please... is there anyway we can participate in the Friendship Clinic?
Thank you so much for your time,
Andrea Graham
Lynchburg, Virginia
I was excited to get an almost immediate response...
Tuesday, June 26, 2007 8:01:57 PM
Dear Andrea,
Thank you for writing and sharing your experiences. Many families are going through the same thing, which has motivated my work.
Unfortunately (as you have guessed) we don't have anything going on outside of the Charlottesville VA area. The study requires many visits (up to 12 over a 3 month period). 4 of the 12 are easy to do on the weekend. The only problem is that if you do get assigned to the weekly treatment group (which is a 50% chance, but I assume something that you would clearly want), these 8 sessions of groups are really best held in the evening on a weekday after work (e.g., 6:30-8p.m., for example, on a weeknight that is not Friday). We do have some parents who commute from Richmond and Lynchburg-- but it is not workable for most families unless you have a very unusual job situation
We are also running a waitlist right now for boys, although I think there's a reasonable chance that your son would get in sometime over the next school year.
Please let me know if you think the distance and travel is workable or not.
In the meantime, I usually also recommend to parents a book by Fred Frankel called "Good Friends are Hard to Find". It's written for parents of kids ages 6-12, is not specific to ADHD, but it's a good book and easy to read with lots of practical advice.
If you are not already aware of it, I would recommend the group CHADD(Children and Adults with ADHD), an advocacy and support organization. Youcan find their website at www.chadd.org They have a lot of information,referrals, and such about ADHD and it is a great group. You might also likethe factsheets about ADHD at http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/wwk which areaccurate and written for families about different aspects of the disorder-- including co-occuring disorders with ADHD, and ADHD in adulthood.
Thank you again for writing. I wish you and your son the best! If you have thoughts from your experiences about what is useful for social problems in this population, and/or you try some of these suggestions and have comments about what worked and what didn't, please do write me and let me know-- I value your input.
best wishes,
Amori
Amori Yee Mikami
Ph.D.Assistant Professor of Psychology
University of Virginia
Tue, 26 Jun 2007 16:28:17 -0700 (PDT)
Dear Professor Mikami,
I found several articles on the internet that talked about your research on ADHD children and how difficult it is for them to make friendships. The Friendship Clinic sounds wonderful and EXACTLY what ADHD children need. I wanted to see if you would possibly have room in your research/study for my son and his parents (my husband and I). Or if you have completed your study, then would you have any helpful information or programs you could direct us to? I happened upon your articles by searching the internet for some kind of help in this area. My 7 year old son has ADHD and right now his number one problem is friendships. About two hours ago, I picked him up from summer day camp and he greeted me in tears again (a common event). Apparently, he spends his entire day having emotional meltdowns over the most trivial things, such as losing a game, not getting to be first, etc. These emotional breakdowns happen every single day. My son cried all the way home despite anything I had to say and he was clearly heartbroken that he can't get along with other kids. I know exactly how he feels since I was much like him at that age (I also have ADHD).
My husband and I have tried all we know to help our son. We discipline, encourage when he does positive things, role-play situations to help him learn how to act, etc. Apparently this situation needs an expert such as yourself. I have searched my city for resources and asked for help from the school guidance counselor but I continue to get responses such as, "he'll grow out of it", "stop letting him have his way" (which we already do), and of course there's the medication. We use medication (Adderall XR - 5mg) but this does not solve our son's social and friendship issues. The medication helps him get straight A's in class. However, I would trade those A's for F's if he could not grow up feeling rejected as I did.
I'm sorry this is so long. Please... is there anyway we can participate in the Friendship Clinic?
Thank you so much for your time,
Andrea Graham
Lynchburg, Virginia
I was excited to get an almost immediate response...
Tuesday, June 26, 2007 8:01:57 PM
Dear Andrea,
Thank you for writing and sharing your experiences. Many families are going through the same thing, which has motivated my work.
Unfortunately (as you have guessed) we don't have anything going on outside of the Charlottesville VA area. The study requires many visits (up to 12 over a 3 month period). 4 of the 12 are easy to do on the weekend. The only problem is that if you do get assigned to the weekly treatment group (which is a 50% chance, but I assume something that you would clearly want), these 8 sessions of groups are really best held in the evening on a weekday after work (e.g., 6:30-8p.m., for example, on a weeknight that is not Friday). We do have some parents who commute from Richmond and Lynchburg-- but it is not workable for most families unless you have a very unusual job situation
We are also running a waitlist right now for boys, although I think there's a reasonable chance that your son would get in sometime over the next school year.
Please let me know if you think the distance and travel is workable or not.
In the meantime, I usually also recommend to parents a book by Fred Frankel called "Good Friends are Hard to Find". It's written for parents of kids ages 6-12, is not specific to ADHD, but it's a good book and easy to read with lots of practical advice.
If you are not already aware of it, I would recommend the group CHADD(Children and Adults with ADHD), an advocacy and support organization. Youcan find their website at www.chadd.org They have a lot of information,referrals, and such about ADHD and it is a great group. You might also likethe factsheets about ADHD at http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/wwk which areaccurate and written for families about different aspects of the disorder-- including co-occuring disorders with ADHD, and ADHD in adulthood.
Thank you again for writing. I wish you and your son the best! If you have thoughts from your experiences about what is useful for social problems in this population, and/or you try some of these suggestions and have comments about what worked and what didn't, please do write me and let me know-- I value your input.
best wishes,
Amori
Amori Yee Mikami
Ph.D.Assistant Professor of Psychology
University of Virginia
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