My first email asking to participate in the study

This is the email I sent to Professor Amori Mikami the day I found out about the Friendship Clinic.


Tue, 26 Jun 2007 16:28:17 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Professor Mikami,

I found several articles on the internet that talked about your research on ADHD children and how difficult it is for them to make friendships. The Friendship Clinic sounds wonderful and EXACTLY what ADHD children need. I wanted to see if you would possibly have room in your research/study for my son and his parents (my husband and I). Or if you have completed your study, then would you have any helpful information or programs you could direct us to? I happened upon your articles by searching the internet for some kind of help in this area. My 7 year old son has ADHD and right now his number one problem is friendships. About two hours ago, I picked him up from summer day camp and he greeted me in tears again (a common event). Apparently, he spends his entire day having emotional meltdowns over the most trivial things, such as losing a game, not getting to be first, etc. These emotional breakdowns happen every single day. My son cried all the way home despite anything I had to say and he was clearly heartbroken that he can't get along with other kids. I know exactly how he feels since I was much like him at that age (I also have ADHD).

My husband and I have tried all we know to help our son. We discipline, encourage when he does positive things, role-play situations to help him learn how to act, etc. Apparently this situation needs an expert such as yourself. I have searched my city for resources and asked for help from the school guidance counselor but I continue to get responses such as, "he'll grow out of it", "stop letting him have his way" (which we already do), and of course there's the medication. We use medication (Adderall XR - 5mg) but this does not solve our son's social and friendship issues. The medication helps him get straight A's in class. However, I would trade those A's for F's if he could not grow up feeling rejected as I did.

I'm sorry this is so long. Please... is there anyway we can participate in the Friendship Clinic?

Thank you so much for your time,

Andrea Graham
Lynchburg, Virginia


I was excited to get an almost immediate response...


Tuesday, June 26, 2007 8:01:57 PM

Dear Andrea,

Thank you for writing and sharing your experiences. Many families are going through the same thing, which has motivated my work.

Unfortunately (as you have guessed) we don't have anything going on outside of the Charlottesville VA area. The study requires many visits (up to 12 over a 3 month period). 4 of the 12 are easy to do on the weekend. The only problem is that if you do get assigned to the weekly treatment group (which is a 50% chance, but I assume something that you would clearly want), these 8 sessions of groups are really best held in the evening on a weekday after work (e.g., 6:30-8p.m., for example, on a weeknight that is not Friday). We do have some parents who commute from Richmond and Lynchburg-- but it is not workable for most families unless you have a very unusual job situation

We are also running a waitlist right now for boys, although I think there's a reasonable chance that your son would get in sometime over the next school year.

Please let me know if you think the distance and travel is workable or not.

In the meantime, I usually also recommend to parents a book by Fred Frankel called "Good Friends are Hard to Find". It's written for parents of kids ages 6-12, is not specific to ADHD, but it's a good book and easy to read with lots of practical advice.

If you are not already aware of it, I would recommend the group CHADD(Children and Adults with ADHD), an advocacy and support organization. Youcan find their website at www.chadd.org They have a lot of information,referrals, and such about ADHD and it is a great group. You might also likethe factsheets about ADHD at http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/wwk which areaccurate and written for families about different aspects of the disorder-- including co-occuring disorders with ADHD, and ADHD in adulthood.

Thank you again for writing. I wish you and your son the best! If you have thoughts from your experiences about what is useful for social problems in this population, and/or you try some of these suggestions and have comments about what worked and what didn't, please do write me and let me know-- I value your input.

best wishes,
Amori

Amori Yee Mikami
Ph.D.Assistant Professor of Psychology
University of Virginia